The Worst Week Of The Year

The week I've been dreading since my mom died is finally here: Mother's Day week.

The endless ads on TV and Facebook and Instagram exist just to remind me that while everyone else is consumed with what to buy their mom's for Mother's Day, I'll never be able to celebrate another one with her. Never be able to send her flowers or a card. Let her know how much I love her.

It's still 4 days away, and it already cuts so deep, I can't imagine what Sunday will be like. But I've made plans with my friend L. I suppose we are new friends... she is a childhood friend of my good friend S, whom I had met a couple of times.
But then my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and I get an email from L: her mom has cancer too, and has been fighting for 5 years. So we immediately had a common bond on that front. It's sort of amazing how that can bond people fairly quickly, even if the experience isn't exactly the same.
L's mom and my mom kept getting sicker, and then I'm early December, L's mom died. And she was one of the first to reach out to me when my mom died too.

I suppose it's because we are both members of a club we didn't want to be in, that now we have a special connection to bond over.
Anyways, I'm seeing L for hr first time since I've been back tomorrow. We are having dinner and wine and just going to talk. I'm a little anxious but also excited? Relieved? Not quite sure what the other emotion is, but it's definitely on the positive end. At least I will have someone else who knows the pain, the anger, the loss that I'm feeling.

And then for the dreaded Sunday we are going to her friends house and she is hosting a brunch for women that have lost their mothers. L and I have both admitted to being apprehensive about it - like, do I even want to be in public for this "holiday"? I honestly don't know. But ultimately I think it will be a good thing. It will be better than being alone, I'm positive about that!

So I'm mostly just trying to keep myself busy this week.
Extra sessions at the gym.
Going to the Botanical Gardens tomorrow.
I even found a new support/therapy resource today that I'm looking into (okay, well technically my friend found it, but whatever).
Applying applying applying for jobs like it's, well, my job.
Trying to sleep through the night, hahaha - that one's not going so good.

And just telling myself I have to make it til next Monday.
I will make it to next Monday.