It's gonna be May

May 1st.
This has been an adventuresome day for me the past few years.
Last year, my best friends and I were in St. Barth's for the second year in a row, exploring the restaurants and land that we didn't get to see when we went over the 4th of July the year before.
The year before that, me and a good friend went to a non-eventful baseball game which became a very eventful night where we ended up consummating 7 years of friendship after many rounds of whiskey. That last part may have been TMI, but it was a pretty big deal -- and well, kind of continues to be, so no apologies on that one.

This year May 1st is falling around another mercury in retrograde, so not really sure what that will mean for today. Or the coming week for that matter.
I spent most of my day getting ready for the week and hanging around my apartment -- something that I haven't actually been able to do in the last 3 weeks.

I went to the grocery store, prepared my lunches for the week, cleaned and tidied my apartment. Just general life stuff to get everything in order, in case I end up going back to NC full-time sooner than expected.

My mom starts her 3rd chemo appointment tomorrow, and to say that I'm anxious about it, would be an understatement. After her 1st appointment, she had an allergic reaction that resulted in a rash, fever, and just general yuckiness. They ended up switching her meds in hopes that a new chemo would not produce the same side effects -- but no luck. The same rash, fever, and general grossness after her 2nd treatment made her depressed and upset. Depending on what the doctor decides tomorrow, they might not give her anything tomorrow.

Her whole "prognosis" that they gave her -- 6 months -- depended on how well she handled the chemo and how the tumors were affected by the chemo. My big fear is if she can't handle the chemo -- and they determine she can't handle another meds change -- that she will have less than 6 months. That we will have less than 6 months.

And while we keep finding out more information as this progresses, it's still a "wait and see game" which is driving me crazy. It must be driving her crazy too; I can't even imagine. I can say right now that I would rather know 100% how long she has. As bad as it will be to find out and accept it, it would be nice to be able to make plans. Mostly so SHE is able to make plans. I know there is stuff she wants to do and see on her bucket list, but I feel like if she is so sick from the chemo and doesn't have an actual time frame yet, then it's hard for her to wrap her mind around doing anything but laying in bed, and seeing everyone that is coming to visit her.

So hopefully after tomorrow's appointment, by the time I get there on Saturday for a long Mother's Day weekend, we will have some more answers or at least some more direction.

And in the meantime -- for the rest of this week -- I'm just going to keep myself busy.
And enjoy the first week of May.