Recently, a Facebook acquaintance from college posted a link to an article called "This Stage of Life? It's Hard".
And given the events of my last year -- losing my job of 10 years, 7 months of unemployment, finding a new roommate, and my mom getting diagnosed with cancer -- I tended to agree with the headline, so I caved and clicked.
And instead of giving me the comfort of connecting with a stranger through their blog post, it really just pissed me off.
You see, the blog was aimed at mom's in their early to mid 30's. Which I probably could have figured out just by knowing the person that posted the link, but for some reason it escaped it at the moment.
And while I read it, I found myself getting more offended.
Don't get me wrong. I may be 34, single, no kids -- but I in NO way look down or discount mothers or the incredibly difficult job of being a mom. It is something that I really can't relate to, but can definitely understand how frustrating, infuriating, and exhausting that job can be.
But let's not discount how hard this stage of life is for people that don't have kids.
I'm pretty sure that the early to mid 30's is hard for ALL people. Married, single, kids, no kids, men, women, and everyone in between.
It's sort of when you really start to figure out that no one has their shit together. The idea of "adulthood" is a myth. None of really know what we're doing, or how to handle any of it, or what is to come next.
So here is my condensed "This Stage of Life?" interpretation for all of us 30-somethings that really are (still) just faking it til we are making it.
This stage of life? It's hard you guys.
I'm talking to all of you that fall in the early to mid 30 year old range. You have friends. You have family. You have commitments.
You are constantly dealing with mental, physical and emotional exhaustion.
In this stage of life, you are dealing with fending for yourself and your family. Not that you couldn't before, or you didn't before -- but now everything really rests on you. Those doctors appointments that you "forgot" to book in your 20s? Not an option to skip those anymore. Eating out every night? You're finally realizing it's not best plan financially or health-wise.
In this stage of life, you are dealing with guilt. Guilt over having a career you don't feel confident in -- aren't you suppose to feel like a success now? Guilt over not spending enough time with your family. Guilt over not seeing or calling your friends as much as think you should. Guilt over not putting enough money into your savings or retirement fund because what you REALLY want right now are those new St. Laurent shoes (oh wait, that might actually just be me).
In this stage of life, you are overwhelmed with a whole bunch of life decisions. Some of them life-changing, some not. None of them with clear cut answers. Do I go out with my girlfriend tonight because she is having boyfriend problems? Do I stay home because I have that big meeting tomorrow at work that I just *have* to nail this time? Do I bite the bullet and move into an apartment by myself? Or should I stay with a roommate because even though I'm 34 and have a roommate, at least I'm saving *some* money? Do I stay with the guy that is good enough/nice enough/smart enough, or do I bite the bullet and be single and alone again? You don't know the answers to ANYTHING, but you feel the pressure to figure out EVERYTHING.
This stage of life is about watching your friends life stages... and struggles too. Marriages, infidelities, divorces, 2nd marriages. Babies, miscarriages, infertility. Sickness, loss, death of close friends and parents. It's the stage where you (hopefully) are able to focus on your real close group of friends -- but that too takes time and effort and energy to make sure those relationships stay healthy.
In this stage of life, you are still struggling with your sense of self. Who am I? Wasn't I suppose to know what I wanted when I was 30 -- in my job, in my relationships, within myself?
If you are married, you struggle to find the time and energy to focus and grow your relationship and partnership.
If you are single, you struggle with your own time and energy. Do you focus it on finding someone else and be in a relationship? Do you focus it back on yourself to make sure the relationship with yourself is healthy?
It's hard.
So what do you need to survive it all?
You need to ask for help.
You need to accept that help.
You need to offer help.
You need to nurture your relationships: with family, with friends, with significant others, with yourself.
You need older friends that can assure you that everything you are doing is normal and you aren't fucking it up.
You need to learn how to say "no". And not feel bad about it.
You need to find something that you absolutely love to do, and do it everyday -- even if it's only for 10 minutes.
But most importantly, you need to remember that this time in your life is still amazing.
And beautiful.
And unpredictable.
And that's okay.
Because no one knows what the fuck they are doing in this stage in life.
And knowing that you aren't in this stage of life alone, is what makes it a little less hard.
(Again, no hard feelings towards the original poster, and just in case you need to read the original inspiration, you can find it here)
No comments:
Post a Comment